Rock Bottom: Rebuilding Your Life After Abuse

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October is Domestic violence awareness month

Gathering up the courage to leave an abusive relationship can be a move that takes years to work up to and set into action. While the initial fear of being poor, homeless, and abandoned may have kept you in the relationship for too long, this fear does not have to define your future. As worrisome as it may be to rebuild your future, you should realize that you are in charge of your destiny and indeed, you can take several empowering steps to make your future happy, secure, and promising. Taking these steps and resolving to never look back on your abuse-filled past can help you realize that you deserve a great life and that your future is entirely what you make of it.

Cut Off Contact with Your Abuser

Even if you share children with your abuser, it is vital that you cut off all essential contact with this individual. The court should be aware that your former partner or spouse was abusive to you and caused you to flee the relationship. Making the family court judge aware of this can ensure that the judge mandates strict child visitation in which all contact between you and that former partner or spouse is kept to an absolute minimum.

Restricting contact with him or her should involve changing your phone number, setting up a new email address, and perhaps even keeping your address secret if you relocate to a new house or apartment. If need be, you should also obtain a protection from abuse order from the family court. Many attorneys, like San Bernardino lawyer Milligan, Beswick, Levine & Knox LLP, offer assistance in getting orders of protection for victims of domestic abuse.

Establishing these boundaries sends the clear message to your abuser that you are moving on with your life and that this individual is no longer welcome in existence.

Get Counseling

You may deny it, but your psyche after leaving an abusive relationship more than likely will be shattered. Once you are free from your abuser, you may slide into a state of shock or overwhelming fear because this individual once defined every moment and every fragment of your existence. The thought of living independently and determining who you are after your relationship may be overwhelming.

These feelings of not being in control are normal. It is vital that you seek counseling so that you can overcome your feelings of helplessness and work to reestablish an identity that is empowered and healthy. Your counselor can help you realize that the abuse was not your fault and that you did nothing to deserve that treatment.

Finding New-Found Confidence with a Life Coach

It is normal as well that you may lack the confidence to plan for your future. The slanderous words of your abuser telling you how worthless you are may be playing over and over in your head. However, you can overcome your lack of confidence and silence those words when you rely on a life coach. A life coach can reaffirm each goal you meet in your new life. He or she can provide you with ideas for how to get a job, make new friends, and most importantly, how to identify and stay away from potential abusers. With a life coach, you can establish the happy and productive future you deserve.

Life after an abusive relationship can be bright and happy if you take the steps needed to rebuild your future. Taking these steps and realizing that you deserve to be happy, safe, and productive can help you create a life that is free from abuse and full of promise.

 

This guest post was written by Melanie Fleury. She was in a relationship that left physical scars to remind her of the abuse that she suffered. She was able to rebuild her life but it wasn’t easy. She started her long journey away from the abuse by getting a protection order. This article is written in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October. If you need help, please seek resources to get out before it is too late.

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Comments

  1. This is a terrific post, Melanie and I’m thrilled to see the active stance the blogging world has taken this month on the topic. I come from a childhood of absuse (not my bio parents) and ironically the man who saved me from this precarious life as a young boy passed away last week. So, all of this has come full circle. All of your tips are fantastic and people need to take that intiative to save themselves, possibly children and very possibly lives involved. Thank you 🙂

    • I’m sorry the man that saved you passed away. I’m glad there are people like that out there. The world needs more of them and less of the crazies.

  2. Jacqueline Gum (Jacquie) says:

    Thank you for bringing attention to this cause… and I so admire your courage

  3. My mom keeps finding herself in abusive relationships. The summer between 5th & 6th grade it was her husband. His brother had to be the go-between. As an adult, my first husband and I had to take her to the hospital (or pick her up) after getting stitches. I don’t know if she ever got counseling or a life coach.

  4. Dr. Johnny Velazquez says:

    Great post! As a former counselor, I was able to advice abused individuals, male, and female. Many of the women were deadly afraid of leaving that abusive situation, but once they chose to do so, I would tell them to look straight ahead, and to never look back, not even a glance. That is one area that needs to be addressed. When the abused partner looks back, they want to return. Some because of fear, others out of guilt, and others look back, thinking that they might be able to change the abuser.
    Melanie chose the right path. Good read. Blessings.

  5. I appreciate the information that Melanie put out into the cyber world. We are so lucky today that when we need help we have the internet to find it and it’s posts like this that are important addition.

    • It is a great addition! The internet does provides lots of information but it is also good to make sure the sources are reliable (depending on what you are googling). It never hurts to just talk to a close friend about your problems either.

  6. This is a hard subject to write about, especially if you’ve been the subject of abuse. Even though I think our society has come a long way, there are still people trapped in these tragic situations. At least there are resources to help them, if they reach out. Perhaps one may happen upon this post – it may make the world of difference to them …

  7. I agree with the previous comment. It is a good subject to write about. In fact, I am writing about how I am trying to rebuild my life after being addicted to drugs on my blog http://rebuildingat30.blogspot.com. It is really hard. I got rid of all of my friends like I was told in rehab. But now it is three years after I got clean and I don’t have a friend in the world. That is why I am writing my blog, cause the only people I have in the world to talk to are on the web and even online I have not met anyone.

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