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I was destined to be a caregiver—I think. From a young age, somewhere deep down I always knew my mother could not fill those shoes. You see — she was an alcoholic and alcohol was her highest priority. You don’t know how much I wished that wasn’t the case but that was my life.
When I was 25 years old she overdosed due to complications from liver cirrhosis. I still can’t believe it’s almost been 10 years. She’s missed so much — before — and after her death.
Like myself, she was an only child just like my grandfather. We had a very small circle, to begin with — and now its minuscule. After my grandmother and mother passed away — my grandfather only had me and the family I created. That’s it.
Making the Leap into Caregiving
Almost 5 years ago, we made the decision to move to Texas from Kentucky to be there for my grandfather. He was the only grandfather I’ve ever known and he has excelled at the role. I couldn’t have asked for a better one — he’s always been the absolute best!
I always kind of resented my mother for how she treated him. She put him through hell and he always had her back. She was his little girl and he would have done anything for her — and he did. I’m not sure if she realized the pain she caused him but I did.
So when talks of a nursing home came around, we stepped up. Grandpa has now been living with us for over 4 years. He just turned 92 years old this past April.
“Over 40 million Americans are taking care of a loved one 50 or older. And of these 40 million family caregivers, about 1 in 4 is part of the Millennial generation.”
That’s me and I wouldn’t trade this time with my grandfather for anything.
Caregiving is a Learning Experience
This experience has taught me to empathize more with other people. No one can be in your exact shoes. You never really know what someone else is going through. All you can do is try to understand — be there for them — in good and bad times.
I’ve been blessed with having a generally healthy grandfather — not saying that he’s had it easy by any stretch.
He’s had kidney cancer. A stroke. A quadruple bypass. A few organs removed — and many other health issues. Yet, in the end, he always pulls through—thankfully.
Most of this medical resume was done back when I was a kid. During our time living together, we’ve dealt with AFib, a pacemaker, liver failure, bowel blockages, blood pressure issues, skin cancer, and sodium imbalances.
So, to be honest, this experience has taught me so much.
I’ve learned a lot of medical terms, the uses for different medications, and the ins and outs of different procedures. It’s kinda funny when medical professionals think you’re in the medical field after they initially disregarded you like some kid.
I show them.
I know more than my grandfather does. I’ve become his memory.
Caregiving Changes Your Life
Your whole way of living is altered when you start caregiving. If you used to run around in your underwear — that’s out. You are now in charge of a whole other person.
For me, it was like adding another child. I go through everything I have to do for my kids and grandpa gets a lot of the same treatment. I’m sure he hates this deep down.
I’m just lucky I can work at home and can schedule his needs around my own.
My time caregiving has been a bittersweet one. I’ve watched my grandfather go from a super independent man to one that needs our help.
Within 4 months of living together, he was hospitalized. He bounced back but at that time his driving ended. So I became the chauffeur.
After another stint in the hospital (and a rehab), his short-term memory drastically decreased. So I took over control of all his medications — there’s over 10 of them.
He looks for me to fill out all those forever long medical forms. I do whatever he needs.
Caregiving is Possible with Help
My life now is dictated by doctor appointments, home nurses, and physical & occupational therapists. I juggle all of this while practically working fulltime and dealing with a family of my own. It’s hard but what’s even harder is watching my grandfather turn into someone else.
I get a front row seat at watching my grandfather decline. He no longer is the man I once knew.
He was the kind of person that wouldn’t dare walk around the house in anything less than a button-down collared shirt and khakis. These days he lives in pajamas. It’s so sad to see him as a lesser version of himself.
I swear he wouldn’t eat if I didn’t put food in front of him. He has no real desire to do the little things — making food or washing clothes. If you knew my grandpa — you’d know this isn’t him. He was always the one to do everything for everyone else. My grandmother was spoiled rotten.
But guess what? It’s now his turn to be spoiled. If anyone deserves it it’s him.
AARP Family Caregiver Action Kit
Some days caregiving can be hard, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. With support (like my husband) and resources like the Family Caregiver Action Kit, caregiving is totally doable. I think you will find it’s one of the best things you can do for your family. It makes my heart happy.
Becoming a caregiver means a lot of added responsibilities, though. Ones you might not know anything about. The AARP Family Caregiver Action Kit will help guide you through this change and provide you with valuable resources and strategies.
Worried about working and juggling a loved one? What about money issues? Answers to these questions and many others are provided on the website.
I am still learning something new every day. My grandfather has taught me so much — I’m forever grateful to call him grandpa. I’m so happy he’s been able to share his life with us — and be forever in my boys’ memories.
Krystle Cook – the creator of Home Jobs by MOM – put her psychology degree on a shelf and dived into a pile of diapers and dishes instead. She is a wife and mother to two rambunctious boys, sweating it out in her Texas hometown. She loves cooking, DIY home projects, and family fun activities.
“Every day is another chance to get stronger, to eat better, to live healthier, and to be the best version of you.”
This is really true and awesome
Thanks, Paula! He’s a great man.
You are an inspiration! Caregiving is such a tough but special thing.
Yes, it is Alissa. Thank you so much!
This is beautiful! My family had always taught us about respecting and caring for our elders. It is rewarding work and I admire you stepping up at such a young age to do it.
I’m glad your family taught you that young. I wish more families would do that.
It takes a strong person to be a caregiver. Hats off to you.
Thanks, Scott. I’m pretty lucky.
I take my hat off to you. I was a community care assistant for years and so many older people get left to fend for themselves. I hope you and your granda have many more happy years together 🙂
Thanks! I hope we do too. He’s a strong old bird.
I’m glad people are able to trust and confide in people like you, congrats!
He’s my grandpa. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We took care of all my grandparents when it was time and until their last days, it was a great time at th e same time challenging and ended up learning a lot. All you have said is very true.
That’s so glad to hear that you took care of your grandparents too. It’s def a mix of emotions.
Caregiving at a young age is something that some have a knack for. Great for anyone who does like you.
I try my best, Keshia! There are good and bad days.
This is great article! I do feel like more young people should really caregiving their family members. I do with my husband and we visit him every week to nursing home and in rewards we get love! It’s best thing you get!
I’m sorry to hear your husband is in a nursing home. I’m sure he loves your visits!
This is such a wonderful thing that you are doing for your grandfather. You are such an inspiration. I have to imagine that the demands of caring of him and your son must be so hard at times. They are so lucky to have you!
Thanks, Terri! I’m just lucky he can still do some things for himself as of now.
This is an amazing thing you do. This population so easily gets overlooked and mistreated. It is wonderful you not only are passionate but are informing others
Thanks! We all need to respect and care for our elders. We will be them one day and would want the same love.
Love your story and your strength to care for others. My sister who I am very close with just started nursing school a year ago and she absolutely loves it so far!
I’m glad you are close with your sisters and that you have taken up nursing. You’ll help so many people.
As hard as it is end in the end what a blessing. You get to create loving memories not only for you but also your family. We just moved to be next to family and my 87 year old grandma. I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
Sounds just like what we did! I hope your grandma is doing well.
This needs so much patience! People who are caregivers are angels
I don’t know about angels because anyone could do if they really wanted to.
This article left me with lots of mixed emotions. Sorry that your getting a front row seat to the decline of a loved one and also admiration for who you are.
He’s still doing pretty well for his age and I’m happy for that!
It was my father who drank too much. It does make you learn how to be a caregiver at a young age.
I’m sorry to hear about your father. It’s not easy dealing with that as a child.
I learned to take care of others because my father drank too much. Eventually, I had to learn that I could not fix, him.
Unfortunately, not many are fixable.
I’ve been a caregiver and I’ve watched other turn to the caregiver role. It’s not easy to do and it takes a lot of love an patience. You sound amazing. I’m going to check out that kit.
I hope the kit helps you, Terri!
This is inspiring.. you have done a highly respectable job. This article makes me think so much.
Thank you so much! I wouldn’t have it any other way.
You are a remarkable and inspirational young woman. You and your grandfather are very lucky to have each other <3
Yes, we are Dani. SO lucky!
What an inspiring article! I hope you and your grandfather have many healthy&happy years together!
I hope we do too!!
Blessings to you for taking on the role of caregiver. I’m sure your grandfather appreciates it so much. I have not had that experience, but both my husband and I know that we’ll be the ones to care for our parents when the time comes.
I think we will get my husband’s parents and my dad too when the time comes as well. At least we will have had some practice by then LOL
Great
Thank you for visiting, Michael!
Bless you! You’re an inspiration. Caregiving is never easy so hats off to you!
It has its moments. Good or bad I wouldn’t trade it.
Its very tough but a gift at the same time. I helped take care of two family members and I wish Id realized how special it was when i was doing it.
Who did you take care of, Sarah?
I took care of a lady I considered my grandmother. Shes almost 101 now but lived with us when she was in her upper 90s. I also took care of my mom as she was dying of cancer. Time went too quickly and there was much left unsaid. It still doesnt seem real.
Sorry to hear about your mom Sarah?
Being a caregiver is not easy work. I have been one on and off for the last number of years. My sister went thru a tough round of cancer –fortunately she is alive. My father had health issues and so has my mother. My father passed in the last year and my mother now has health issues and needs help.
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. And your mom and dad. I know they appreciate all your help.
It is definitely not easy to work in health care. I salute people like you who love what you do despite the hardships. Keep it up.
I don’t work in healthcare but I’ve learned a lot taking care of my grandfather
This is such a wonderful thing you are doing, to care for an elderly person who could not do well in this world without someone as kind as yourself. I have taken on this position with several friends over the years and have always been as kind and understanding as possible, and in return, those I’ve cared for have been just as kind. Since I have met my husband however, his elderly mother is with us and she can only be described as a very mean, spiteful and self centered woman. I have tried so hard but as the years have gone by, I have found myself becoming ill as a direct result of the stress from dealing with her. I do believe in most cases, caring for an elderly person is the right thing to do, but in my case, sorry to say, this woman should be in a home.
I’m sorry your husband‘s mother isn’t very nice to you. Some people get like that in their older age. I know it must be hard not to be able to do the things you used to do and they take it out on other people
Wonderful post. You are an amazing person; taking care of someone is hard work but of course, rewarding. Wonderful for your kids to have the opportunity to REALLY know their great grandfather!
Yes, my kids are lucky in that aspect. I never really knew mine well.
(Caregiving at a Young Age: It’s Hard but Is the Best Thing You’ll Ever Do!) I took care of a lady for three years that has parkinson’s disease. I did love doing that job.
That’s so awesome of you! I admire you.
No, I haven’t been a caregiver 100% full time, but I did go and care for my mother when she was in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s before she passed. I would go and wash her hair weekly as a way to do something nice for her and spend time with her.
That was really nice of you. I bet she loved that time together.
That’s amazingly selfless when you love someone so much even, because it is hard. I sometimes feel as though my job as a caregiver is intensified because on a small scale when I get home from that job, my husband needs me. He doesn’t like to drive alone because of a dehabilitating illness the last 2 years.
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. You sound like a great person!
This is something I am doing, and it is so very difficult. I appreciated your tips and ideas. I know it is such an important thing, and it has brought so much to my family…but it does have moments of transition that are hard.
Who are you caregiving for Kelly?
I cared for my Mother in the last years of her life, but she was still very mobile (with a walker) and could take care of her own bathing, etc. So, I didn’t really consider myself a ‘caregiver.’ I’ve had relatives who cared for family members in the final stages of Alzheimers and I have nothing but respect for them.
My grandfather is still pretty mobile and can do those things for himself for the most part. You were still a caregiver and I’m sure she appreciated it!
I started taking care of my grandmother when I was 27. She lived with my daughter and for almost 6 years before she passed away from dementia. Many days she had no idea who any of us were and she was mean and angry from the disease but I wouldn’t have changed where she was cared for.
I’m sorry to hear about your grandma. Mine had dementia too before she passed.
This is a wonderful story. I have never been a caregiver to an adult but I really admire your strength!
Thanks, Dana! It’s challenging at times but worth it.
We moved in with my husband’s Mother for about 5 years when her health started declining. It was hard emotionally because we just didn’t know what was wrong. She seemed fine but started getting scared about being alone and my husband had to quit his job to take care of her and me. I’m on disability myself, I have MS, and other medical problems with my stomach. So he had his hands full caring for both of us. It was so nice having that one on one time with her before she passed away (about 2 years ago). We found out that she had Parkinson’s Disease after she had a bad episode. So many things are hard to diagnose these days. We didn’t have a lot of help from his other siblings but made it work. We had always told her we would take care of her in her old age, just thought that she would move in with us instead of moving in with her. It was a big change but so worth it. She had always been close in our lives and we had no problem being there to help.
I’m sorry to hear about all this, Karen. You’ve dealt with a lot. I’m glad you guys got her help her in her final years. I know she appreciated it!
I am a caregiver to 2 people – my mom who turns 90 tomorrow, and my brother who has cancer. Obviously I am not at a young age (64) – but that makes it worse for me – I have my own health issues. Tell me: WHO CARES FOR THE CAREGIVER?
Awe, I hope you have some help, Sandy. You have a lot on your plate.
I worked with adults at Laurens County Disabilities and Special Needs Board for 7 years before I had children. I helped my Mom with some of my Grandfathers’ care before he passed, and I believe we owe good care to our elders.
Wow. You’ve done a lot, Susan. I admire you. I believe we do owe our elders too.
Yes I am a caregiver to my son who is grown who has a heart transplant , and is Diabetic too . My son cant be left alone and can not drive so we do a lot of things for him and drive him to dr appointments too. We helped with my dad before he passed as well, It is hard to see those we love not to be independent the way they once has been and it is a lot of work too but we do it because we love them so much and want to help them.
I’m sorry to hear about your son’s issues. I’m so glad he has you though! Yep, we just want to love them and for them to be happy.
I have never been a caregiver per say but my mother was hospitalized her last week of life and I spent every minute I could with her. She nor anyone else wasn’t aware she had advanced liver cancer until that last week she was hospitalized. My father had a hard time coping so I had to be her advocate for that last week, however I was in my late 40’s so I wouldn’t consider myself young. I am sure your grandfather appreciates you very much.
I’m sorry to hear about your mother. Did she not have any signs till the last week? That’s scary.
I have been a caregiver to my 4 kids and husband. My husband suffered from Bell’s Palsy a few years ago.
They are lucky to have you, Sarah. What is Bell’s Palsy?
My Mom was terminally ill and my Dad wasn’t able to help much with the care she needed. I was fortunate to have two sisters and a sister-in-law that shared the care giving.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom Cindy. I’m glad your sisters could help out.
I was in my early 20s when my grandmother got cancer. I helped my mom and uncle take care of her. It was hard but we were able to be there with her when she passed and it was the best thing I could have done with my time. Because of that experience myself and my husband decided that no matter what we would do anything to take care of our parents if the time came.
Your family is lucky to have you
I have never been a caregiver. I give credit to those who are!
Thanks Renee
Its very hard but someone has to do it. I lost my mother when I was 13 and she was 38. I couldnt help her so I took it as a challenge to help others. I know work as a certified nursing assistant. I work in long term care facilities and have done private care for 14 years now. I love helping others
So sorry you lost your mother at such a young age. You sound like a wonderful person
My mother lived with me and my husband for 15 years. She did not need much care until the last few years and then this year she went downhill and became terminally ill. It was my pleasure to take care of her until the end, although it was a very stressful and exhausting situation.
She was very lucky to have you
I have been a caregiver in the past. I used to work with alzheimers residents which was amazing and I loved working with them. I also did in home care for people who were still able to get around but needed an extra boost.
You sound like a very loving person❤️
I have never worked at home as a caregiver, but my occupation was a COTA/L so I worked in the medical field before retiring.
What does the acronym mean Judy? I’m afraid I don’t know ?♀️
I was a caregiver to my boyfriend about 14 yrs ago when he was in a terrible accident. He wasn’t fully mobile and I had to help him quite a bit. Caregiving for the elderly or for ill patiets is a hard job as I witnessed with some other family members.
It was great of you to take care of your boyfriend. Did he ever recover?
This is a beautiful article. I wish more young people understood the blessings they would receive if they stepped up but many would choose the nursing home as the “easy” way out.
You just rarely hear about good nursing homes. I couldn’t do that to him. My mom was in one for short time and it was horrible. It wasn’t up to me though it was up to my stepdad since I was young.
After my Mom’s strokes, my husband and I tried to be caregivers to her. The part of her brain that accessed risk, safety, and reasonable decisions didn’t function properly any longer and she thought she was fine and could still live alone, independently. It put a great hardship on my family as I had a high risk pregnancy at the time and we had to constantly monitor her. She left the stove on, left lit cigarettes around, fell off of stairs, etc. We got the LifeAlert system for her, but she rarely wore it. After doing one of our daily phone check-ins and receiving no answer, my husband drove over (she lived 4 blocks away) and found her on the floor unresponsive (she’d had another stroke). She finally understood she needed help and moved into assisted living. I was 28 at the time and my Dad had already died 4 years prior. Caregiving is extremely difficult, especially if you are disabled yourself and unable to handle the situation.
I’m sorry you had to go through so much. I have a feeling my grandmother will be difficult with things like that too. She’s so independent.
Been there with both my parents
They were lucky to have you
I’ve never had to care for someone completely. My Mom needed some help before she passed but was still able to take care of her personal needs.
I’m sure she appreciated everything you did do
No, I have not been a caregiver for an elderly person. Caregivers are very special and loving people.
I’m sure you would do great at it if given the chance
I was a care giver to my parents before they both passed away. People complain but I enjoyed taking care of them, I look back now and realized how much I loved them is why I enjoyed it so much.
They were so lucky to have you
We need to love and cherish our Elders! Before my Father passed, we took such loving care of him and it was our pleasure. God bless all that give of themselves and love those that gave them life.
Couldn’t have said it better myself
My mom is diabetic and prior to me moving away from her, I was her caregiver when needed. Now she has a worker but it gets frustrating at times because I am not as close as I once was to be able to check in on her.
I hope she likes the worker as much as she likes you
This is beautiful! This is a great thing you are doing!
Thank you so much Edna
I cared for my Mother in law for 3 years while she had Lung Cancer
Everyone would tell me I wasnt taking care of myself bc I gave so much to her. It’s weird bc I’m sure it was physically hard on me I loved being able to make her last years somewhat happy
I’m sure she appreciated it so much
I have been a caregiver since I was 18, which is when I got my nursing license, now 25 years later I am still at it. I also cared for my Papa before he passed away.
What kind of nurse are you?
my father passed away a few years ago and soon my mother will have to move closer to me so we can take care of her. i know she is afraid of losing her independence.
How old is your mother?
Several years ago, A friend of mine offered me a job to care for his elderly aunt. I would go to her home a couple times a week and clean, run errands for her, help her wash her hair and whatever she asked me to do. She was the sweetest woman you’d ever want to meet. I will never forget the last time we spent together as I was helping to pack up her Christmas displays that year. She told me she knew it would be the last Christmas she ever seen, and she was right. She passed away shortly thereafter. I think of her often this time of year, and although it’s sad, I know she is no longer suffering. Caring for an elderly person can be one of the most rewarding experiences. I hope that when I am elderly that someone will be there for me.
We have been burdened, but even more blessed by care giving of my elderly father-in-law, my friends mother, my sweet mother, and my grandmother. I shared with them all some of the most uplifting memorable times as well as the devastating heartbreak we share when one passes or they have to give up their homes, independence and freedoms. Elderly age can be unbearable or you can help your loves have a better happier quality family filled time and let that be the gift you leave them with, so the memories are happier than sad. Respect them and remember they brought you in this world, raised you and spent the best they knew how as you are right now.
You sound like an amazing person caring for so many people. It’s def something I wish more people would do
I was a caregiver to both of my grandparents. I am currently a caregiver to my Dad
I hope your dad is doing well!
I was a caregiver for many years and it’s memories that I’ll have forever. I made friendships, gained knowledge and cared for some that needed help giving me great satisfaction.
Thank you so much for taking the time to care for those in need. I’m sure your kindness was much appreciated.
I helped care for my terminally ill grandfather when I was 20. With the help of Hospice, I stayed with him and my grandma for 3 weeks until he passed away. Caring for a loved one is one of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs there is!
You will always have the memory of spending this most important time with him. Good for you. I’m sure your grandparents were very grateful for your help and support.
no but i would love to one day
What a wonderful life goal! Caregiving really can change your life, or at least change the way you look at life.
I have never been a caregiver but my aunt has been one for my grandfather for 15 years. I know how hard it is and I admire anyone who can dedicate their time and life to someone else.
Your grandmother sounds like an amazing woman
Caregiving for the elderly is a most rewarding experience. I feel lucky to have shared my mom’s last years.
I’m sure she appreciated it more than you know
I was a CNA and also a Home Health Aide. My career took another turn and I now own an in home licensed family daycare. However, I love elderly people. This year I visited a local CBRF with my aunt and brought small gifts and treats. The residents were very receptive. I will be returning in a few days to drop off a bird feeder we promised one of them.
You sound very sweet Tracy. I’m sure they love every moment with you
What a wonderfully inspiring story.
I was caregiver for my mother in law for a short period. It was hard at times but I never regretted it.
I’m sure she loved you for it
Yes I have been a caregiver to my Grandmother and I loved taking care of her despite she was old and couldn’t take care of herself any longer. I would always make sure her hair was up in curlers the spongy kind lol before she went to bed she always wanted to look her best even at a older age. Which u can’t blame her. It’s hard but worth every second just to be with her.
That’s so sweet of you to follow your grandmother’s wishes. For some, it is important to look their best, even when not in the best of health. I’m sure she appreciates you so much for this!
I’ve never been a caregiver to anyone elderly. Lots of little ones though, which is a little bit different. Caring for others is so important though, regardless of age.
Those little ones will forever be thankful for the care you showed them. You are so right about the importance of caregiving regardless of age. 🙂
I have never been a caretaker. I do help a friend from time to time. She’s in a wheelchair.
Well I think that counts! Kudos to you for helping your friend. 🙂
my sister took care of my dad in flordia till he died but i now what my gf going through by seeing her bf has all-timer and other she has keep eye on him a lot
I’m sorry to hear this. Yes, being a caregiver means constant attention and lots of stress. I wish them the best!
I used to take care of my mom until I no longer could! She had MS and had to be taken care of 24/7 and I couldn’t do it anymore. I was working, taking care of my family, & I got sick. I had such back pain that I could no longer help lift her up or anything! It broke my heart! But I couldn’t feel guilty too long, because I was in a fight for my life! I found out that the pain in my back was a tumor. I have Multiple Myeloma. Putting her in a nursing home was so hard!! My mom passed. I still love and miss her!! I always wished I could have done more!! What you are doing for your grandfather is a wonderful thing!! Some treat our senior citizens horribly! It’s like we get old and we’re thrown aside like garbage or toys people don’t play with anymore! Everyone will be where we are soon & I hope someone still has time for them!! You are a blessing! A wonderful earth angel ? and your children will learn what they live! God Bless them also ??
I’m sorry to hear about your mom sue and your health issues too. I hope your health issues are doing better these days!! I’m sure she’s your guardian angel ❤️
This is a hard subject for everybody. Each person has or does not have the ability for caregiving. I have saw the good and the bad on this. My grandmother would NOT let her son’s or their wifes do anything for her. It all fell to my two aunts who both ended up in the hospital.
I get that. I’m sorry she would not except help from younger people.
I haven’t had to be a full time caregiver, unless you count parenting little ones. My mom may want to come stay with us as she gets older, so we are looking for a place with an extra room on the bottom floor.
We think like that too for our parents
I’ve never been a caregiver. However, I’ve watched my mom be a caregiver to my my grandma who had dementia and my aunt who had down syndrome. It takes a lot of patients and love, which is admirable.
Your mom sounds like she’s a great person
I’ve been a caregiver my whole life. Started when I was 11 helping a disabled aunt after school, then became a nurse and cared for my mother father sister and brother all before they died. It’s the hardest job one will ever do.
You are a hero. Thank you for your dedication to caring for others. I’m sure your kindness was appreciated by your family.
I have not been a caregiver before. It must be very rewarding yet sometimes stressful I imagine.
Caregiving can definitely be very stressful, but the rewards are second to none. To know you are helping someone so much is a wonderful feeling.