Out of the Darkness: Shedding Light On Domestic Violence

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It is crucial to provide support and create a safe environment for victims of abuse. It’s important to acknowledge and validate their experiences, particularly when the abuse is causing them to question their own reality.

In order to support victims effectively, it is imperative to debunk misconceptions about domestic abuse and gain a comprehensive understanding of what it entails. This will enable us to provide the best possible assistance and support to those affected by domestic abuse.

“It’s Not That Bad”

In 2022, the ACWS (Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters) led a project to help Domestic violence lawyers in Calgary and surrounding areas understand barriers to seeking help for domestic abuse, including the process of recognizing their own mistreatment as abusive.

While they might be subtly aware that something is “off”, an abused person might believe their situation is “normal”. If there is (or was) no physical violence, they may not even understand it to be abuse. 

“They Never Hit Me”

Psychological and emotional abuse are forms of mistreatment that may not leave physical scars, but the damage they cause is just as real. Often overlooked or dismissed, the effects of such abuse can be detrimental to one’s well-being. This is not just a matter of hurt feelings or temporary sadness but a serious issue with long-term consequences.

One of the main reasons why psychological and emotional abuse is so damaging is that it attacks the victim’s mental and emotional state. The abuser uses manipulative tactics to induce fear, guilt, and isolation, leaving the victim feeling vulnerable and powerless. This can lead to a range of psychological effects, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.

But the harm caused by this type of abuse goes beyond just mental and emotional distress. In recent years, there has been a growing body of evidence to support the physical toll it takes on the body. Chronic stress from ongoing abuse can weaken the immune system, disrupt hormonal balance, and increase the risk of cardiovascular problems. In fact, research has shown that victims of emotional abuse have a higher risk of chronic health conditions, including heart disease and diabetes.

It’s not just adults who are affected by this type of abuse. Children who are exposed to psychological and emotional abuse, whether directed at them or witnessed between adults, are at risk of developing long-term emotional and behavioral issues. They may struggle with low self-esteem, trust issues, and difficulty forming healthy relationships.

“They Lost Control”

Abuse is often framed as “losing control,” but often, it is a way to gain it through demeaning the victim and destroying their self-esteem. The root causes of these behaviors are complex, but whatever these may be, they do not include the victim.

The individual engaging in abusive behavior may try to avoid accountability by denying their actions, attacking the victim, and reversing the roles of victim and offender. This manipulative tactic, known as DARVO, is employed to shift blame, undermine the victim’s reality, and create conditions for further abuse.

“It’s My Fault”

Reactive abuse is a behavior that involves responding defensively rather than offensively, making it different from typical abuse. It deviates from the common cycle of abuse, as it does not follow the pattern of repeated incidents followed by periods of relative calm.

This can also be used to manipulate, and the abuser may even provoke victims into “acting out”. They may even document reactive abuse (for example, by filming it) in an attempt to back up the story that they are the victim.

Beyond Abuse

Another myth about abuse is that victims can choose to leave, but the exit phase can become very dangerous, especially if the abuser senses a loss of control. This is why support from trusted sources to help build a safety plan for you (and any children in the household)  is essential.

Fear, shame, and uncertainty thrive in darkness. In an abusive situation, life outside survival mode may feel impossible, but it exists. Building a strong support network of trusted people and planning a way to exit the relationship safely is a way of stepping out of that darkness into a brighter future – free from abuse.