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Any marriage counselor or happily married couple will tell you that it’s just as important to spend quality time apart as together. When you get married, you agree to spend a lifetime together. But this doesn’t mean holding each other’s hand as you go about your daily life.
And it certainly shouldn’t mean intruding or imposing your presence on the private and particular hobbies of your spouse.
Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of quality time apart, indulging in hobbies without seeking out each other. It’s natural to have different interests, and trying to force them into alignment with each other will add stress to any relationship.
With that in mind, I’ve put together a little list of tips regarding the best way to facilitate this time apart. My husband indulges in several hobbies that— let’s face it— just don’t interest me.
But over time, we’ve developed a mature and loving way of dealing with our unshared interests.
Plan Ahead
Plan your time apart. It may sound obvious, but if you’re in the middle of an argument and your husband decides it’s suddenly hobby time, it can feel like a personal attack.
Plan ahead and fully acknowledge when your hobby time will be. Add it to your calendar with the rest of your schedule.
This will allow you to understand that this time alone exists independently of any quarrel or issue you may be having. Most importantly, it also establishes it as a constant in both of your lives.
Separate Time Means Separate Space
Put aside separate space for your hobbies. Time apart does not just mean time spent doing different things in the same room.
It means having some literal space from your partner (and children) where you can be completely alone.
In the case of my husband, a hobby space is particularly necessary. I don’t want to be tripping over and ruining his Warhammer miniatures or vintage baseball cards every time I come through my front door.
(We have the kids and cats for that)
That said, even if your favorite pastime is something as simple and minimal as reading, you should set aside a separate space for it. To have alone time, you actually need to be physically alone.
Social Circles
With different hobbies and interests, it’s natural that you and your loved one won’t share the same circle of friends. This can sometimes be a source of tension.
Just remember that time apart is essential. Understand, spending time with others who share in your interests is healthy, and this may not be your spouse all the time.
This can be hard, as your partner would rather spend time with someone else. But the most mature strategy is to understand that you both have emotional, private, and social lives outside of the relationship.
That said, if you have concerns, communicate with your partner because as everyone will always tell you, communication is vital. Remember these tips, and you’re sure to have a happy and mature relationship!
Krystle Cook – the creator of Home Jobs by MOM – put her psychology degree on a shelf and dived into a pile of diapers and dishes instead. She is a wife and mother to two rambunctious boys, sweating it out in her Texas hometown. She loves cooking, DIY home projects, and family fun activities.
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My experience in this is in having had one bad marriage and one good marriage. I agree that spending quality time apart is important but I think it only works within a marriage if you also actively plan to spend quality time together. If you only have good time when you are apart and your time together is all about work and bills and parenting and household chores, you grow further and further apart.
Sound advice Ken. That makes SO much sense. You can’t have one without the other.
I have always believed that the best relationships are those that include together time, time alone, and time spent with others. It just seems healthy! And I can say for certain that I have friends in long term marriages that have practiced this with much success. Good advice 🙂
Very true Jacquie! Yes, it’s all about balancing things correctly.
Hello Krystle,
I am glad that I came across this post. wow!
I never thought that sometimes even staying apart can bring us together. I found this idea quite interesting.
Thank you
Thanks Tuhin! It can make the heart grow fonder 🙂
Seems logical but definitely needs reinforcing so am glad to read this post. I have been in relationships in the past where smothering has been an issue. I like my free time and I assume most do. Seems like sage advice.
I understand Tim. In the past I was told I was too needy because I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. His friends thought however that he should spend more time with them. We were all teens and in the end the friends won.
I believe time spent apart, both with others, and alone, is important for peace of mind and a balanced life, as well as a balanced relationship with your significant other.
I couldn’t have said it better myself Michele. Amen!
A couple should be able to enjoy their own company and that of others. It is healthy to have separate interests and hobbies. I feel this keeps the fire in a relationship.
I agree Phoenicia. It keeps that fire burning 🙂
I feel that this is human nature that we are bored of monotony. I feel that if a couple be with each other all the time they will be sick of each other soon. We need to socialize and include others in our relations. When a couple is together, they must enjoy the time, when they are apart they value other relations too. All the tips are nice.
Thank you for a great share.
I like the new look.
Thanks! It would get boring being day in and day out with someone. I think as long as you have your own “thing” you can move on together even if you don’t get out much.
Krystle, this made me laugh! As I read your blog, my husband is holed away in our office/man cave watching football. He has tried to get me to be into football, but I think he has given up. My husband and I often talk about our needs for alone time and we seem to agree that it is important. Thank you for the great article!
Hi Erica!! Haha. I’m not a football person either but what helped with my husband was playing fantasy football with him. I don’t know squat about football but I can research. My first time playing with him I won the whole thing. I still don’t care about who’s winning but I do care about my “guys” and what they do. I like competition lol.