Note: This article contains affiliate links (hyperlinks, widgets, or through images), which means I receive compensation if you purchase a product through them. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and/or believe will add value to my readers. Visit my disclosure page for more information.
Gathering up the courage to leave an abusive relationship can be a move that takes years to work up to and set into action. While the initial fear of being poor, homeless, and abandoned may have kept you in the relationship for too long, this fear does not have to define your future. As worrisome as it may be to rebuild your future, you should realize that you are in charge of your destiny and indeed, you can take several empowering steps to make your future happy, secure, and promising. Taking these steps and resolving to never look back on your abuse-filled past can help you realize that you deserve a great life and that your future is entirely what you make of it.
Cut Off Contact with Your Abuser
Even if you share children with your abuser, it is vital that you cut off all essential contact with this individual. The court should be aware that your former partner or spouse was abusive to you and caused you to flee the relationship. Making the family court judge aware of this can ensure that the judge mandates strict child visitation in which all contact between you and that former partner or spouse is kept to an absolute minimum.
Restricting contact with him or her should involve changing your phone number, setting up a new email address, and perhaps even keeping your address secret if you relocate to a new house or apartment. If need be, you should also obtain a protection from abuse order from the family court. Many attorneys, like San Bernardino lawyer Milligan, Beswick, Levine & Knox LLP, offer assistance in getting orders of protection for victims of domestic abuse.
Establishing these boundaries sends the clear message to your abuser that you are moving on with your life and that this individual is no longer welcome in existence.
You may deny it, but your psyche after leaving an abusive relationship more than likely will be shattered. Once you are free from your abuser, you may slide into a state of shock or overwhelming fear because this individual once defined every moment and every fragment of your existence. The thought of living independently and determining who you are after your relationship may be overwhelming.
These feelings of not being in control are normal. It is vital that you seek counseling so that you can overcome your feelings of helplessness and work to reestablish an identity that is empowered and healthy. Your counselor can help you realize that the abuse was not your fault and that you did nothing to deserve that treatment.
Finding New-Found Confidence with a Life Coach
It is normal as well that you may lack the confidence to plan for your future. The slanderous words of your abuser telling you how worthless you are may be playing over and over in your head. However, you can overcome your lack of confidence and silence those words when you rely on a life coach. A life coach can reaffirm each goal you meet in your new life. He or she can provide you with ideas for how to get a job, make new friends, and most importantly, how to identify and stay away from potential abusers. With a life coach, you can establish the happy and productive future you deserve.
Life after an abusive relationship can be bright and happy if you take the steps needed to rebuild your future. Taking these steps and realizing that you deserve to be happy, safe, and productive can help you create a life that is free from abuse and full of promise.
This guest post was written by Melanie Fleury. She was in a relationship that left physical scars to remind her of the abuse that she suffered. She was able to rebuild her life but it wasn’t easy. She started her long journey away from the abuse by getting a protection order. This article is written in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October. If you need help, please seek resources to get out before it is too late.